Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
