my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
