I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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