Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You were trust falling into bushes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
