you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize