I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He felt like a one man threesome
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
