theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
