just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
