I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
