I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
