Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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