Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
3pm strippers are depressing
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
