She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
