She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
