i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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