Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
