I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i will never coherently bang her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize