In America we eat man semen.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
