he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
