Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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