he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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