Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
