i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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