After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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