Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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