Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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