i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
