So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
