I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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