Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
