yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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