I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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