I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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