Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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