nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
