I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
