...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
