A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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