great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
