Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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