Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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