I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
