Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
