Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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