Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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