I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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