You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we made out on top of his cat.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
