his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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