You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
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i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.