i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE