"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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