I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
