Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
