I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
