my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
