i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
