I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
