What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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