please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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