laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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