nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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