Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
