if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
