my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
