i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
