the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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