I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
