I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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