sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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