the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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