ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?