He disabled his match.com account in front of me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.