I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
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Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.