mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was like his penis was on wheels.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF