I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
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I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.