MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf