I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
