it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize