Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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