You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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